Today I was celebrating the end of yet another brain-erodingly boring CIT tutorial in the Tav with Dave when two police officers entered. Eager to see them confront some motherfucker, slam his face down on the table, handcuff him and march him out of there, I craned my neck over the dismal rainy-day crowd and watched them wander between tables. To my disappointment they simply looked around a little and sauntered out again.

One and a half jugs later, another pair of officers entered, this time dressed in those fluorescent yellow jackets. Once again they simply took a gander around and left.

At about 5 o’clock, as I emerged into the rainswept evening and stumbled drunkenly towards the bus stop, I noticed a police car marked FORENSICS parked outside the library, as well as a small police bus on the pine lawn. My curiosity was once again piqued (had there been a murder? A rape? Surely we would have heard about a shooting?), but since I was already running late and really had to take a leak, I ignored it all and boarded a wheezing, dilapidated bus to travel all the way back north.

When I got home I googled it with anticipation and found that reality, as usual, was far lamer than anything my imagination could come up with.