How depressingly bare!

LONG FICTION
End Times – A swashbuckling post-apocalyptic epic which rambles its way across half a million words and most of the Australian continent. Objectively bad.

SHORT STORIES
The Planet’s Corpse
The King’s Musician
Last Days On Earth
The City – The Battered Suitcase Volume 4/2, Autumn 2011
Nullus – SQ Mag #1, March 2012
West Gate – Allegory Volume 20/47, January 2013
Cottesloe Beach – The Waterhouse Review #10, January 2013

BLACK SWAN STORIES
1. Homecoming – Theaker’s Quarterly Fiction #40, April 2012
2. Drydock – Theaker’s Quarterly Fiction #42, November 2012
3. Pilot Light – Theaker’s Quarterly Fiction #43, May 2013

ASSORTED NON-FICTION
(Book reviews listed on a separate tab)

The Best Films of the 00′s
50 – 41
40 – 31
30 – 21
20 – 11
10 – 1

TRAVELOGUES

IT’S OKAY: I’M A GAIJIN
An Account Of Twenty-Three Days In The Mysterious & Exotic Nation Of JAPAN, As Related By A CHARMING & HANDSOME University Graduate; Travel To The Island Province Of HOKKAIDO, & The Cities Of TOKYO, OSAKA, KYOTO & HIROSHIMA By Means Of Plane, Train, Car & Subway; Snowboarding, Ice Festivals, Vomiting In Bars & Ascending Skyscrapers; NEON Cityscapes & MOSS-CLAD Temples; Shoplifting From Truckstops & Losing Vital Documents; IMPRISONMENT In Youth Hostels & The HUNT For David Bowie Amongst The CANALS & BACKSTREETS Of Kyoto; Not To Mention OBSERVATIONS On Japanese Customs & Mannerisms As Noted By THE AUTHOR; February, 2009.
JAPAN DAY ONE
JAPAN DAY TWO
JAPAN DAY FOUR
JAPAN DAY FIVE
JAPAN DAY EIGHT
JAPAN DAY TEN
JAPAN DAY TWELVE
JAPAN DAY FOURTEEN
JAPAN DAY SIXTEEN
JAPAN DAY TWENTY
JAPAN DAY TWENTY-TWO
JAPAN: Extensive Reflections Upon Returning Home
JAPAN: Reflections (for real this time)

GET ME OFF THIS ROK
An Account of Seventy-Seven Days As A HAGWON SLAVE In SOUTH KOREA, As Related By A Twenty-Year Old “English Teacher” In WAY OVER HIS HEAD; Hyperactive, Taekwondo-Trained KINDERGARDNERS & Chaotic Classrooms;  Sweltering SUMMER HEAT & Filthy, Fetid Apartments; Eating HOG SNOUT From A Backalley Vendor In Itaewon & VOMITING IN THE GUTTER In Hongdae; Laughing North Korean SOLDIERS; Museums & Temples, Confucianism & Confusion; Thick MAKEUP And HIGH HEELS; Kimchi, Gimbap, Squid & Octopus; Aimless ISLAND-HOPPING In The West Sea; Lemon Beer, Raspberry Wine & Kiwi Soju; A Voyage On The HELLBUS; Visiting A Jewish CHABAD HOUSE & Watching Australia Be Savagely BEATEN In The International Soccer Friendly; Gradual LOSS OF SANITY Resulting In A DESPERATE MIDNIGHT RUN; Not To Mention Daily Life As Lived By THE YOUNGEST ENGLISH TEACHER IN SOUTH KOREA; Summer, 2009.
Korea… first day
Korea… day three
Korea… day four
Korea… day five
Korea: Saturday
Korea: Day 10
Korea: Going To Chabad
Korea: Teeth Grinding
Korea: A Good Day
Korea: I NEEDED TO BELIEVE, HO!
Korea: But to where?
Korea: School’s out for summer…
Korea: 30 Days
Korea: Stony Beaches And Slimy Water
Korea: Making Pop Culture References That Go Over My Students’ Heads
Korea: The Oxymoron Of “Business Ethics”
Korea: Urrrgghhh
Korea: FULLY-BLOWN SOLIPSISM EDITION!
Korea: A Typical Day In Paradise
Korea: Taking Control Of My Destiny
Korea: Wheels In Motion
Korea: The DMZ
Korea: Scenes From The Classroom
Korea: The Football And The Flu
Korea: SWINE FLU ALERT WHOOP WHOOP SEAL THE BLAST DOORS
Korea: Time And Alcohol And Spewing Out Thoughts
Korea: Ramble On
Korea: Escape From Wonderland
Korea: The Midnight Run
Korea: Why I Left

Perth To Melbourne
An EPIC ESCAPE From A Most LOATHSOME City Across The GRAND CONTINENT Of AUSTRALIA; 250cc Motorcycles On The Stunning EMPTINESS Of The NULLARBOR PLAIN; Arrogant MECHANICS & Psychotic Tasmanian THIEVES; Ceaseless Rain & Howling Winds; Reflections On The MERITS & DISADVANTAGES Of Different Australian Cities; Dead KOALAS & Slumbering SEA LIONS; The Majesty Of The GREAT OCEAN ROAD & The Appalling Tedium Of EVERYTHING ELSE; Not To Mention General Moaning, Stinginess & Crabbery, As Related By THE AUTHOR; February, 2011.

Perth To Melbourne: Part 1
Perth To Melbourne: Part 2
Perth To Melbourne: Part 3